I’m currently going through an existential midlife crisis. This sounds like a funny opening, I know. It sounds like an exaggeration of a situation or a comedic set-up of some sort. I can assure you that it’s neither of those things. My suffering is real.
So, I’m looking for anything that can alleviate some of the stress. Somewhat effective are cosy books, like Chocolat by Joanne Harris, helpfully accompanied by Earl Grey tea and dark chocolate truffles.
Also good is soothing music. I’m loving various Studio Ghibli sleep playlists that I found on Spotify. Here’s one example:
Another source of comfort is watching my favourite book vlogger on YouTube, Emily Fox from Books with Emily Fox. I came for the books, stayed for the kittens.
As I’m making my way through some of her older videos, I heard her talk about K-drama. She was converted to them by a friend, and as I trust her judgement with books (like me, she likes character-driven books, often with fantastical or sci-fi elements) I thought I should check it out.
A few of my friends have been watching Squid Game and The Glory, but those aren’t for me. While I loved to watch Tarantino movies when I was younger, I can’t stomach the violence anymore. On closer investigation, I found a number of interesting-looking shows for me to try. I will let you know which ones I enjoyed in a later post.
But the reason put forward by Emily, the main appeal in K-drama for her, was the romance. She deplores modern fiction, where protagonists fall into bed together as soon as they meet. In Korean romantic dramas or comedies it can take ten or twenty episodes before they even hold hands. She compared them to Jane Austin novels. Sounds like cosy viewing. It could be just what I need.
This building up of expectation, of tension, of electricity is much more fulfilling than what western fiction and drama has to offer, she says. So, I’ve been thinking about that. And I’ve been thinking if you can do things backwards.
Can you still experience that build up, that tension after the fact? Let’s say you met someone through a dating app and you are intimate immediately. Let’s say you keep on seeing each other.
One day you have your first real kiss. On another, you go out in public together for the first time. You have your first public kiss. I don’t think these things are any less romantic for already having been intimate. They are different in tone from the act which we see as the goal we must somehow reach.
We are used to thinking in linear progression, but a love affair can take a different path. Perhaps it’s my age or my existential mindset, but I don’t think life is about experiencing everything in an upward linear trajectory. What goes up, must come down after all.
Here’s a poem I wrote last year:
A senryu affair
carriage rolls the rhythm of lines fluttering chest two moons in front and to my back a blazing sun a mane toss two crescent moons lie waiting a cotton cloud two moons are eclipsed but the sun! I know my mind like the grooves in your brow and yet, and yet...
Wendy Padley wrote about the midlife crisis, or what she calls "the second half of life", as well recently.
Do you have any cosy recommendations for me? Books, films, series, music?
PS: You can read The time I lost my appetite (the text underneath the erasure collage) on the Reflex Fiction website. I used to say it’s flash fiction, but it’s actually autobiographical, so that would make it creative non-fiction, an essay, albeit a very short one.
My comfort watch right now is Alchemy of Souls. Magic, swords, romance that crosses time and changing bodies. I have grown tired of modern romances but the Kdramas do it so well. Alchemy of souls ended up having a couple of romances I wasn't expecting. Thanks for this read, sharing these thoughts.